Your Fly is down

It has been many a month since Little Goodrip has last been seen. Sources indicate after being trapped in an infinite void of horror and despair inside a fat man's belly button, It has finally returned home, to finish off those waffles it laid out to dry before It left home that morning. This is It's story.

"Hello. My little scrumpy one." Little Goodrip beamed at its long lost food of choice. "I've missed you. Ever so dearly."

The waffle stared blankly at Little Goodrip. Almost as if it didn't recognise It any more. This brought a tear to Little Goodrip's left ear hole.

"You don't... Remember me?" It was trembling for words. "After all we've been through? You chose to forget me?"

The waffle, being an ignorant fellow, chose to ignore It. By drooping to the side a bit.

"Oh. I see how it is. You found someone else, didn't you?" Little Goodrip took a long sigh as It watched an old Fly make out with the Waffle. It's Saliva dripping everywhere.

"Sqwuuk sqlluech sqwua.." Quoted the Fly very redundantly.

"Why did you do this to me, friend!? WHY!?" Little Goodrip tried to refrain from heading into hysterics. "You know.. If you were a frog. I would of named you, 'Spotty'."

The Waffle had enough to hear of Little Goodrip's pedantics. It fell off the clothesline. The crusty mold which formed beneath it shattered away, and it fell into some blobby custard.

But Little Goodrip had lost interest by now. 

It went back inside. 

As a reasonably damp hurricane swept Little Goodrip away.

What I learned today

Today has been such a frivolous day of exotic knowledge and conquest that i just can't help but communicate all of these amazing lessons. Jammed tightly into one day, like that jar of jam you seriously can't be bothered to get out of the back of your fridge because the lid is too tight.

Alright, here goes:

1. Agnostic is code for pussy atheists.
2. Rickshaw drivers are arseholes. (All the ones i've seen anyway)
3. They make swiss army knives with hammers on them!
4. Mohawks make sleep feel uneven. (I mean, unless you sleep on the side..)
5. Baboons try to feed their deceased children.
6. Irony's hilarious.
7. My friend knows a psychopath who strangled a bunny out of curiosity.
8. Asking people to tell me something i don't know doesn't always yield good results.
9. Weavels like dog food. ( I wonder if dogs like weavels?)
10. I can't comb a cat.
11. Blogger saves everything you do, even if you go to a new page by accident..
12. Plastic bottles give you breast cancer by putting them in your ears :)
13. The cheese nachos known as chachos aren't very cheesy.
14. In fact they don't even taste very nacho-y
15.200219 more minutes till Christmas!!

CREDITS: facts 7 and 15, from Murielle

                 facts 5, 9 and 12, from Hayley

Thank you both.

Awkward

Sweat ran from their necks. An indescribable amount, flowing out of their pits.
"so..." One of them said, trying to find a topic to discuss. "Lovely weather we're having, isn't it?"
The Bug-eyed man behind the counter licked his lips, slowly, to savor the taste
of his "Cherry flavored" Lip balm.
The Weasel decided to answer the firsts question. "Oh yes, quite, like a summers dream amidst a light winter morning."
"Sure..." The firsts fists fumbled inside it's fur frock.

All of a sudden a daffodil bearing man barged into the room, holding a live mongoose. "Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed my Precious!!"
The Mongoose ripped open the firsts face casket and feasted on it's insidious eye juices. It then threw itself upon the weasel. Hair on edge, the weasel shattered a glass and tried to stab the mongoose. But the mongoose had a secret plan up it's sleeveless fur. From it's esophagus it spasmed a large rip cord out. With the jagged rip cord and broken glass, The weasel and mongoose have a fight to the death! Stab after lash after Krrzzt.

The duel was long and hard. But, of course, the mongoose came out victorious.  tearing it's opponents spine out of it's back. the cerebrospinal fluid drip-drip-dripped like a tap. All while the weasel was still alive! Once the weasel's fluid was fully drained and sprawled out on the floor like a big white paint spill, the mongoose lapped up the liquid along with the sticky alcohol already on the floor. Now drunk with power, the mongoose went to leap at the remaining patron. The bug eye man.

But, with it's newly alcohol heightened senses, it accidentally leapt to the dart board next to the chapped man. Unfortunately for the mongoose, the darts were DOUBLE SIDED.

All that was left standing was the daffodil bearing freak. And the bug eyed man. They decided to put their differences aside however and settle for some nice skewered mongoose.

And they all lived happily ever after.

THE END